Okcupid and online dating

yes.. i'm still single! another 2.5 year failed relationship with the wrong man and here i am almost 38 and still single. so, once again i find myself dating online. i joined okcupid a few days ago and it has been a very enlightening experience so far. some of the things i've learned are:

• most men who are my age look way older than i think they should
• apparently i am very popular with men in their late 20's
• when a guy in his 20's asks you to txt it's not because they want to actually talk to you, they want to send you dirty pictures and sext..
• younger guys have no problems sending you sex pictures
• younger guys have a plentitude of penis photos, videos (yes, i said videos) and an appetite for some seriously unconventional sex
• some people put way too much effort into their profiles
• "liking" someone doesn't mean you like them

I've learned so much in the past few days.. and i'm feeling very old. i have never thought of myself as a prude but DAMN.. kids these days. We will see how this goes.. stay tuned

the longest i've gone without speaking to him

ugh! haven't heard from him since he left the apt on sunday afternoon. i guess its to be expected, i mean we did break up.. i should be planning my fucking wedding instead i'm crying like a baby depressed and feeling like shit. i really thought it was my time to be happy.. i'm beginning to think that time will never come.

keeping your word

i gave you my word that i wouldn't stand for it anymore. and i didn't. but man does this suck.
i wonder if you are as sad as i am.
if you miss me as much as i miss u
if your heart hurts at the thought of not waking up next to me.
if you feel like you've lost the best thing in your world.

i want to call you and hear your voice.. i want to ask you all of these questions but i won't. i can't. it's time for me to hold my ground and not let my heart rule my life anymore. it's gotten me nowhere in 35 years and i don't want the next 35 to be more of the same.

seeing you on sunday, having you hold me for a minute was the most peaceful i've felt in weeks.
and now i'm at work, crying at my desk just thinking about it all.. what a life

same old url but a totally new me

just my first post to make the blog "official". more to come in the near future.


......it's good to be back ;)