the longest i've gone without speaking to him

ugh! haven't heard from him since he left the apt on sunday afternoon. i guess its to be expected, i mean we did break up.. i should be planning my fucking wedding instead i'm crying like a baby depressed and feeling like shit. i really thought it was my time to be happy.. i'm beginning to think that time will never come.

keeping your word

i gave you my word that i wouldn't stand for it anymore. and i didn't. but man does this suck.
i wonder if you are as sad as i am.
if you miss me as much as i miss u
if your heart hurts at the thought of not waking up next to me.
if you feel like you've lost the best thing in your world.

i want to call you and hear your voice.. i want to ask you all of these questions but i won't. i can't. it's time for me to hold my ground and not let my heart rule my life anymore. it's gotten me nowhere in 35 years and i don't want the next 35 to be more of the same.

seeing you on sunday, having you hold me for a minute was the most peaceful i've felt in weeks.
and now i'm at work, crying at my desk just thinking about it all.. what a life

same old url but a totally new me

just my first post to make the blog "official". more to come in the near future.


......it's good to be back ;)