Hard days

I wonder if you know how hard it is for so many people to get on with their lives without you. I'm so devastated and the minute I think I have a handle on it, I realize I don't.
God I MISS YOU SO MUCH. This hurts so bad. Tomorrow will be 2 weeks. 2 weeks of this nightmare. I think about you all the time- can't think of anything else.

I'm planning on going to the gym tonight. I'm feeling so anxious about going there. I associate that place with you and I know I'll be checking the door a thousand times to see if you came to watch, when I know you can't. 

I wish things were different. I wish you were still here. I'm sad, all the time. Did I miss the signs? Was there something I could have done to avoid this? I know you weren't my responsibility but I feel responsible for this. 

My life has changed as a result of knowing you. I'm devastated that you aren't here to change with me. Who knows how my life will turn out. I always thought you'd be a part of it regardless. Now all I have are memories. I'm selfish and I want more! This isn't how it was supposed to end for us. No one will ever be you.