Wide awake at 5:40 this morning, first thought was of you. That's not a surprise, I go to sleep thinking of you, so why wouldn't I wake up thinking of you?
This still isn't real. I want to wake up from this living nightmare and when I do you'll be by my side.
Every day is a struggle right now. I have good days and bad ones. Feeling like the bad ones are winning lately. I'm anxious and nervous. I had hoped that exercising would help with those things. It has to a point but not the way I need it to.
I want to get a tattoo in your memory. Need something physical on me that is of you. We always talked about what we would get for each other. You wanted to get a hornet or a bobcat for me. Your rationale was that I was meaner than a hornet, and as vicious as a bobcat. Haha. You did pick strong willed women to be with :) in the end you didn't get anything, but you died with my mark on you. That time I scratched your right arm, it scarred you through a couple of your tats. You sent me the txt saying "guess I got my tattoo" with a pic of the scar. I don't regret doing it especially now.
I never decided what I'd get in your honor. Now I'm really struggling for something to get. I found the smoking skull with the pink bow you drew for me. I might get it, but I'm not sure. Whatever I end up getting it will have something of YOU in it. Maybe your initials, or your birthdate and the date you passed. Hate that you are gone.
I look at your pictures every day, at the art you made for me. You were so special. Sometimes I'm so overcome with emotion I feel like I can't breathe. Like I'm suffocating and can't get air. It's crippling.
I wish you finished this piece.. It's my favorite. I'll cherish it forever.
Sikigirl and Iron Iron Male together forever. <3
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