One week

A week ago almost exactly i saw you alive for the last time. You were so sick. I held your hand and kissed your check and told you that I love you. Did you know I was there? Did you feel me hold your hand? It hurt so much to leave that night.. I knew it would be the last time I'd be with you. I knew you were dying but still hoped for a miracle. I didn't get one. Instead I got a broken heart. I can't believe I'll never hear you say my name again. I'll never feel you look at me again. Never lay with you, kiss you, feel your hands on me. These thoughts make my chest hurt. How could you be gone? You were supposed to get your shit together because you loved me that much. I begged you to change.. You couldn't..

Now I sit here crying still in shock missing all the bullshit you came with. I couldn't quit you and you knew it. Now I have no choice. I can't think of anything else but you. I see reminders of you everywhere I turn. I've never felt pain like this before babe. I don't know what to do. I miss you so much. I feel the absence of your love from my life. It's profound the love we had. It wasn't always good but it was passionate. I've never felt so special than when you looked at me with that look. God I miss it. I miss you. I'm so mad at you for leaving me.. I'm lonely without you in this world. We were connected, in some crazy way we were. I'd think about you then I'd hear from you. It always happened. You couldn't stop thinking of me because I couldn't stop thinking of you. I've never known heartache like this before. 

You were supposed to be the one who loves me forever. Now what do I do?