Another day without you

I don't like this at all. I keep thinking how it wasn't supposed to end like this. You were supposed to clean up because you wanted to be a better man for me. I can't understand how you could say all the things you said and not mean it. Did you just hate yourself that much that you just threw it all away? I can't think about you without the shock of knowing I'll never see you again. I'm hurting so much without you in my life 

Found out you kept us a secret for a while.. I know the people who knew you knew about me. You talked about me as much as I did (and still do) about you. What Dan said to me still blows my mind. You loved me and I know that. I think you were glad I was with you in the hospital. Why didn't you ask for help sooner? I keep thinking that I could have helped you if I knew. I don't know if I could have done anything to help you, you didn't want to help yourself. I want to wire more but I just can't. My thoughts are just spinning around in my head today whenever I think of you. I'm so disappointed in life. You were supposed to love me forever. I know I've asked you before but who will love me now? You were MY man babe. Mine. It hurt me to break up with you more than you knew it did. I messaged you that day not for your stuff.. It was because I missed you. It had been over 3 days and I didn't hear from you. Now it's been 3 weeks. 

I love knowing you kept trying to kiss me. Sick, dying, oxygen mask and intubation and you wanted to kiss me. Until the end you had game babe. Such a lover you were.. You had love for everyone but your self. And yet you were so selfish.. Why else would you put us all through this? I'm not the only one hurting over this. So many people loved you, and you meant something to them, to me. 

I hate that my life has to go on without your love. I miss you and love you always.