I wish I didn't feel this way but I do. Had to call my therapist today because I was such a mess. She told me it's ok to feel this way, says I'm just sad. Honestly I think that's an understatement. I am not the same without you. Truly I'm different. I can't just hook up like I was because other men repulse me now. They aren't you. No one will ever be you.
My back hurts so bad. Went to see saki tonight. Again someone who I wouldn't have known if it weren't for you. She is sad for me. Fuck, I'm sad for me. I hope you are at peace now babe. I can't imagine doing this without you. I do t have a choice. You are gone and I need to live with it, doesn't mean I have to like it.
Mo posted something beautiful today to you. Another woman (friend but still female) whose heart is broken by your passing. You are so loved! If love could bring you back you'd be with me now. With all of us now.
Funny, you would tell me you looked forward to seeing me get older. You and mommy would tell me that I get prettier the older I get. Not feeling so pretty these days. Feeling quite sick and ugly, empty and alone.
I miss you and hurt so much.
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