Out of nowhere

Every so often I just get overcome by emotion when I least expect it. I'll hear something or someone will say something or hell I could smell something and I think of you and miss you. 

I was at the gym tonight. I like going there now. I find lots of comfort being there because that place feels like you to me. Your stuff is in the locker and it's like you would come back. I'm sure it's not healthy to leave everything as it was before but I don't care. I like it and that's all that matters.

I miss you so much. I think about you constantly. All I want is to have you back and I can't have that. I'm still so shocked you are gone. I can't believe it babe. I don't know how I'm going to get through this. I will never see you again and that hurts me to my core. I'm watching fast and loud thinking of you. I had a bourbon tonight in the glasses you got for us. I poured one out for you. Wish you were here to toast me. Look me in the eye.. Watch me smoke. God I took that for granted.. How you watched me all the time. I know I did it for you sexually. We had an attraction that was like no other. You did it for me too, better than anyone ever had. I don't know how I'm supposed to get on with my life when I feel like this. 

I hope you see how much I'm missing you. How I'm just lost now. I can't believe this is my reality. I don't want to get better at accepting you are gone I want you back! Damn you! How could you do this to me?