Feelings

Today I'm feeling a lot of self doubt and self loathing. Feeling like I should have done something, or that I could have prevented this. I am perceptive so how didn't I know this was happening??

I just watched an amazing video of people kissing for the first time. Total strangers who just came together to kiss. What a beautiful memory I have of our first date. Once we started talking I was yours in spite of myself. We were that couple in the bar who couldn't stop kissing each other. You walked me to the bus stop and I can't even remember how many busses we let pass because we just weren't done with each other. That was the night of "Amanda's bushes" and you pulling out all the stops to try and get me somewhere so we could get naked. Most memorable moment was when, while completely engrossed in each other's passionate kissing, you slid your hand up the back of my skirt and touched my ass. I couldn't believe you had the balls to do that. Told me that it could have gone one of two ways, I could have slapped you or just keep on kissing you. I laughed. You said you wanted to know what I had on under my skirt.. what kind of panties I wore. That was when I told you that you had game. And that you had babe, you had so much game. You knew me and my body and we felt complete when we were intimate. I know I did and you've told me so many times how our amazing sex life wasn't only because we were good at sex but it was the feelings behind it. I know that now to be true even though I denied it to both you and myself for years.

I miss you. I long for your touch on my skin. You lips on mine. I will never forget how good you felt.