Had dinner with Steve last night and reminisced about us with him. He's a great friend and it felt good to talk to him. Wish I could talk to you. You were the best friend I had. I know you felt that way too.
I can't talk about you without crying. I cry everyday since you got sick. I can't imagine how I'd feel if I didn't have that time with you the Sunday before you passed. That helped me so much. You and I had some time together.. You knew it was me and we "talked". I kissed you so much that day. You always had such amazing skin. I love to kiss you. I held your hand the whole time. You noticed my hair and touched the back of my head. You noticed my new bracelets and liked my subway token one. I got more now babe, 3 of them for you.
Rob called me and said she found the sketches you made of us kissing. Those must have been the practice for my painting. I wish you had finished this piece, but I guess it's fitting that you didn't since we didn't get to finish our relationship. A lot of love was left on the table you were right about that. I recon I'll feel that way until we meet again. I hope we do get to meet again. If there is a place we go to when we die I hope I'm with you and my mom. I hate thinking how I'm never going to see you or be with you until then. I would never do anything stupid but I can't say I haven't thought about it. I'm desperate to feel you but I know that I have to wait. You know I'm not patient. The waiting is hard.. I am a brat and you know it. If I thought it would help I would be throwing tantrums all the time. I wish missing you as much as I do could bring you back. I know I'm not the only one who misses you.. But I miss you the most :) they didn't know you like I did. I saw such great things in you. Your love was so good babe. The best ever. I felt it all the time. With you or without you near me I had a confidence that died with you. I'm fundamentally different now that you are gone. You had said that I had it all figured out.. I didn't and I definitely don't now. I'm lost. Can't breathe. Feel disconnected from the world and I don't know what to do. My usual antics aren't going to cut it this time. I can go out and fuck half of New York but it won't do any good. I will just miss you more. I know I shouldn't but I compare everyone to you. You were so damn good when you were good. I will remember that always.
For almost 3 years now you've been the first thing I think of in the morning, and the last thing I think of before I go to bed. I ache for you.
Please watch over me babe.. Really could use your support and love right now. Not sure I deserve it but I hope you think I do.
I love you and miss you more each day. 
No comments:
Post a Comment